Human beings seem like complex creations. Just think of all the different opinions, emotions and sensations we have, all associated with different parts of ourselves and attributed to the experiences which have shaped them.
Inspite of this apparent complexity, human behaviour is very patterned and predictable – and there are actually only two voices that live inside our heads. The inner nurturer and the inner critic. Getting these two voices in balance is the key to growing and sustaining a healthy sense of self-worth.
As children we are completely reliant on our adult caregivers to meet all our needs – emotional and physical so we can both survive and thrive. We are incredibly impressionable at this time as a child’s brain is wired to absorb information at super fast rates.
The positive and negative influences from our childhood experiences, or the meaning we attach to the experiences, form a foundation for how we interact and cope in the world around us as we grow and mature.
Every person who has a low sense of self worth or low self esteem has a strong inner critic, a voice that tells them they are not good enough somehow. This inner critic was once an external voice in a young child’s life – maybe the voice of a critical, demanding, over controlling or abusive parent, grandparent, teacher.
Repeated experiences of being criticised, demeaned, sidelined or ignored, or only being valued when they attained a perfect ideal, create the ‘perfect storm’ for the inner critic to grow loud and powerful.
We take in these negative attitudes and then apply them to ourselves. And once installed, the self-negative inner voice will echo throughout a person’s life— influencing their life choices, and clouding their inner compass.
Until they realise there is a way to heal it.
Babies and young children are pre-loaded with natural confidence and high self esteem. These strong, healthy feelings get covered up with the false or incorrect beliefs about ourselves which we, through no fault of our own have taken in as true.
But we can take action to reinstall our inner nurturer, the voice that champions us and encourages us to love and value ourselves just as we are. This voice is like a really good friend who helps bring you back into balance and restores your natural calm, confidence and resilience.
Once we understand that this self-negativity gets inflicted on us by others, and that as young, vulnerable children we had no choice – we can begin to heal. Understanding is very powerful. With it we gain new found insights. We appreciate that we could not control what happened to us, we realise we can choose to change and learn to work with our minds to defend ourselves from the self-negative attacks of both our inner voice and external people alike.
This is tremendously empowering for people for whom a sense of high self worth has previously been unfamiliar. It feels like they are “learning the rules” of a powerful game, where they are able to do more to defend themselves from abuse & trauma, absolve themselves from falsely-assigned guilt and toxic shame, and live their lives more contentedly. Brimming with natural confidence.
And it’s all available right now. A person is limited only by their imagination in how best to apply these empowering insights to their own unique situations. Greater calmness, happiness and strength in the face of challenging situations are already theirs.
We understand that we don’t need to change who we are, but how we are showing up in our lives. So we can reveal more of the who we are at the core of our being.
Once you step onto this path of healing and restoring your inner nurturer, this personal champion – you will speak to yourself differently, in an encouraging and supportive way. The people around you will adjust and align to this new you too.
Your outlook on life will be different. Your relationships will be transformed. External conflicts will also diminish, as aggressors steer clear, always seeking weaker targets to prey on.
The forms of escapism you may have hidden behind before will fall away. Food will simply be food. Drugs, alcohol and toxic relationships will no longer be a part of your life.
You will actually love and believe in yourself for who you are, with no changes required. Fear and self-loathing will be all in the past.
Once you have restored yourself to wholeness, you will find that you have a strong desire to make up for all that lost time. In positive ways, of course.
A question I always ask my clients after they have gone through this phenonmenal change and transformation process is :
Now that you are free ,feel calm and at peace, what will you choose to do with all that extra time and energy?