Many people struggle with ‘over-giving’ in their lives. I speak as a recovering ‘overgiver and people pleaser’, so I can certainly empathise!
It’s easy to fall into the trap of seeing ‘over-giving’ as part of being a nice, thoughtful and generous person. Most of us like to think of ourselves as doing it out of a sense of generosity and kindness. After all, putting the needs of others above our own is what makes us a good person. Right?
Well, here’s the truth. It’s likely a behaviour learned in childhood. If we felt disconnected or abandoned emotionally – and these experiences can be subtle or overt – we will have unconsciously adapted our behaviour in an effort to re-connect and be relevant to our primary caregivers.
This is the root of your over-giving behaviour pattern.
This pattern of behaviour continues into adulthood. We are unaware of why we do it or thats its not ‘healthy’ because it has become so familiar – wired into our brains. It simply feels like who we are.
When you look at it from the point of view of a learned behaviour – a maladaptation if you like, you are potentially over-giving not from a place of niceness, but from a place of need. And what ends up happening with this dynamic is if you continue doing it you end up actually feeling resentful, overwhelmed, taken for granted and ‘knackered’!
If you recognise this as something you do and are ready to STOP this unhealthy pattern of overgiving . And to find balance in giving and receiving – there is good news.
Remember the brain is adapatable and changes in response to the information we feed it. You can learn at any time you choose, new strategies, tips and tools to help you give appropriately and ditch the resentment, frustration and overwhelm once and for all.